pretty far from alright
by c0nsequences
Summary: au, destiel. cas drags dean out of real life hell, only to slowly throw him back into it. warnings: slash, obv. pretty ooc sometimes, sex, mentions of prostitution, mentions of alcohol. rated m for later chapters


**a/n**: hi yes hello my name is victoria and im kind of new as fuck to the spn fandom so please excuse most of this shit im about to write but i have a plot idea thats not going away so HEEEEY lets do this.

also its an au so (lol of course) and im only on like season 5 on netflix so dont judge me. i might fix some shit when i finish? characters are pretty ooc so. idk. but here we gooooo.

Castiel and Dean were inseparable from the moment they actually came into contact with each other. They both attended the same high school and essentially ignored each other, Castiel being the type to lay low and finish school in a quick manner, he was on the list to graduate almost a year early, and Dean being the type to flourish socially, friends, girlfriends, and enemies. Dean was good at talking to people, he was good at sweet talking his teachers, and he was damn good at keeping his car in meticulous shape.

But one day, in Chemistry class, they were assigned as lap partners. Dean had taken the assignment happily, bounding over to the lonesome table Castiel sat at like a golden retriever ready to fetch. They made friends quickly, as soon as bright blue eyes met smoldering green.

That was the point they became inseparable. Inseparable became infatuated, and infatuated became hatred, but that is a story for another time. Because this story is about much later in their lives.

Once Dean finished high school he had almost no reason to keep on living. He had been living with his younger brother for a while, feeling like a burden, dead weight, and he couldn't handle it anymore. He had to find some way to make money. And Dean was not a conventional person, too hard-headed to listen to authority, too stubborn to have a boss. He'll never remember what turned him on to turning tricks, but in the end, that is what it came to. He had to _make ends meet_ he had to find some way to support himself. Sucking cock in the back of a BMW wasn't all that bad.

He didn't enjoy it, he didn't ever really enjoy sex with another man, unless it was _Castiel_ who had left Dean the moment Dean decided he was a _senior_ and he needed to be with a _girl_ because how the fuck else was he supposed to seem slightly normal? Dean had shoved Castiel under a rug, hidden him from everyone but Sam. He never did graduate from school. After Castiel, Dean ran. He hid. He left.

Sam hated Dean for everything he'd done to Cas. Sam had been there through it all. But the past is the past, and Dean didn't like to dwell on it. He knew he'd peaked in high school, and he knew this is probably the best he'd ever get. One hundred for a blowie, and five hundred if you wanted to stick it in him.

But eventually, his body became too tired, too worn out, to work to pay his rent on a shitty apartment in the west end, and he ended up cold, half-dead, and alone, wrapped in half a comforter as he begged for change in front of some shitty Starbucks in the middle of winter.

And that, thanks to fate, is the day Castiel decided he needed a double shot espresso. Pronto. He walked in, noticing the man next to the door with dismal interest, and ordered his coffee. But as the barista began to swipe his card he stopped her, flashing a quick smile.

"Hey, actually, can I get a large hot chocolate? Yeah, thank you."

And that is when Castiel bought a large hot chocolate for the homeless man in front of Starbucks.

"Hey, kid. I got you-" And that is also when Castiel immediately shut up. Smoldering green met bright blue and his whole world went silent. Nothing was relevant to Castiel but the man sitting before him, and nothing was registering to Dean really, not at all. _There is no way in fucking hell that Cas is here._

Dean just stared. Cas just stared. It was like a fucking standoff. Dean was obviously still too proud to ask for the help he needed but Cas was just as angelic as always. Cas reached set down his drinks and reached a hand out, which took a lot out of him. Dean had broken Castiel's heart, shattered his whole being into pieces, but there was no way Castiel could leave Dean sitting out here in the cold.

Castiel had made himself a nice life as an accountant. He got up, ate some oatmeal, took a shower, went to work. Came home, maybe drank a beer with his dinner, and went to sleep. He had sunk back into his lone wolf habits. No friends. Occasionally he'd speak to Sam who still seemed to want to know how he was doing, but really all of his social contact came from work.

He knew he had room in his life, his home, for Dean. And the small amount of love inside of him needed to help Dean. He was still so naive, so innocent. He thought somehow this would all end up good and swell and no one would get hurt.

Dean reached up for his hand slowly, cautiously. Most of him knew that Castiel was going to pick him up, raise his spirits, and then drop him back down lower. But a much smaller part of him was screaming, begging for Castiel to save him from this hell.

And Castiel held him tight and raised him from hell. He dragged a half-drunk seeming Dean to his home and forced him to bathe, forced food down his throat. Forced Dean to sleep in his bed while he took the pull-out couch. Cas slowly fixed Dean, and somehow, Dean was also fixing the heart he originally broke.

"Cas, I hate this class and I don't want to take it." Dean shoved his bottom lip out dramatically, whining at Cas from the computer desk in the living room as he heard dishes being thrown around in the kitchen. Dean took another long gulp from his sixth? seventh? beer. His favorite activity was drinking while studying.

"Dean, quit whining. You need to get your GED." Castiel sighed, exiting the kitchen. "And you really need to quit drinking while you're doing this. You're not retaining enough information." Castiel stared at his face with a quiet, barely there longing. He missed it, he missed that mouth, those eyes, the way Dean's Adam's apple caught in his throat when Cas's hands touched him _just right. _He had no other experience, nothing after Dean. Nothing before Dean, nothing after Dean. Caught in his thoughts, he didn't hear most of what Dean said, only the ending.

"—if I get a real job then that means I'll have to get my own place and then we'll be nothing again." Dean had finished choking out. "I can't just get my GED, it's the beginning of the fuckin' end." Dean didn't know where it came from, but he stood as he finished talking. He knew he was intoxicated and they hadn't discussed their living situation, hadn't discussed him getting a job and getting his own place. But it was a huge fear laying on his heart and he didn't, well, he didn't want to leave Castiel's house. It had only been three months and he couldn't imagine his life without coffee and Cas in the morning.

Cas just smiled sadly, he had the same fear as Dean but he didn't know how to admit that without admitting weakness. And if there was one thing Castiel couldn't do in front of Dean was admit any more weakness.

Dean fell silent and sat back down as Cas just shrugged and left to the kitchen to finish the dinner he was attempting to make. Since having a new presence in the house, he was trying to learn to really cook. When it was just him, it was ramen or takeout, occasionally a fancy lasagna that you throw in the oven for half an hour.

Dean only got drunker from there. He enjoyed his dinner with Cas, smiling at him through bites, and eventually retired to the couch. Cas could feel the intense tension in the air as Dean chose to sit in the center of the couch instead of the side, forcing the younger man to choose a side and sit much closer to Dean than usual.

The tension grew as Dean _casually_ threw his arm around Cas. Cas sighed softly, hoping Dean would get the hint that his advances were slightly unwelcome. It's not that Cas didn't want it, he _really, really_ wanted it. And that extreme want was enough to make him horrifyingly uncomfortable. Dean had crushed him once before, and he didn't want that again.

But he dared glance to the side, dare to look at Dean, only to realize that Dean was intensely staring at him. And then it became a staring contest. What was probably only a few moments felt, to Cas, like hours and hours. The silence was back, he couldn't hear the TV, only the quick breaths Dean made and his own pounding heartbeat.

And then Dean broke the silence.

"Come to bed with me tonight." And Cas felt his resolve crumbling, capsizing. He wanted this, oh God, he wanted this.


End file.
